her vagine was all disorganized.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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