Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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