Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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