he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
