So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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