I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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