how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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