This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
