Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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