Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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