woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
