Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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