That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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