i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
