The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
