SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
