My sheets look like a crime scene.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
