I just pynch a tree in the face
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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