I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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