she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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