Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Randomize
