I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
