So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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