I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
