I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Two words: nipple clamps
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