just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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