saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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