There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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