96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize