you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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