I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
