So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize