it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
