is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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