Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
