How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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