Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
