Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
