Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your dad touched me again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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