my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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