OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
