it hurts more in the daytime
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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