She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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