i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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