if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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