carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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