I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
