My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
