I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
