So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
