Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
