After last night, I could never be a politician.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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