I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
