the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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