a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize