I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
