ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ttyl tear gas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
