On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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