I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
