So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
