i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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