My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
