just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize