I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
