I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
