your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
