I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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