dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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