So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
