38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
