dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
