Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
