btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
