Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
