You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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