I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
