If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
