oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
