I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
