made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
