I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
