if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
