He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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