His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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