she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
