You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
