Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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