Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
