I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
