Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
