I wannas sexs uuuuu
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
