I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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