if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
